ENNUI

The other day I was trying to figure out the differences in life during retirement and life during my working days. The stakes were high. If I concluded that life was better during my working days, then I would probably have to go back to work. That thought is anathema. The mental debate began this morning in a bad way. I'm bored. It seems that I have run out of goals. In my other life I accomplished many of my goals, even though while I was involved in some of them they didn't seem like "goals". I've been retired now for 25 years and during this time two of my goals were realized...I performed lead roles in seven "Broadway" musicals...here in our 600 seat condo "Theater of the Performing Arts". I always leaned toward an acting career, but wound up as an English teacher in high school. So, little did I suspect when I retired that there would be available a "second career" for me as a "senior" actor. These musicals culminated this year with 4 performances of "My Fair Lady" in which I was cast as Henry Higgins. This was a foregone conclusion since my wife, Rhoda was the producer. Now this career is also finished because I do not plan to perform in any more productions. Too much work, motivation, and energy required. And my desire for applause has abated.

The second goal I accomplished in my retirement was to write my autobiography which I titled, "Memoirs of a Tail Gunner". After all, I became a real person during WWII. When you fly 60 combat missions, you tend to become something that you weren't before you flew those missions. At any rate, I really published two books. The other contained most of the poems I ever wrote and is called "Addenda". It took me over a year to write the memoirs, so I wasn't afflicted with "ennui". I also played lots of golf and taught a few classes in Shakespeare here in our condo. Now, because of a physical problem, I"m no longer playing golf, and I'm not teaching any more classes.

I'm now a famous author that nobody knows trying to escape "ennui".
I'm doing little sedentary things like writing this blog. which like Topsy, keeps growing. I even change the font each time. This apparently is Georgian. I've also tried Ariel and Courier. Tomorrow might be Verdana. I look to different text colors to lift my spirits. Now, I'm worried about running out of things to blog about; also I'm fearful that no one is really tuned into these ruminations.

Well, now to continue the dialogue: How does retirement stack up to the working days? While I was working I had to rise at 6am most days in order to make the 7:45am Home Room, and then go ahead and teach 4 classes with the same things I'd been teaching for umpteen years. The primary thing that kept teaching from getting boring was that you saw different kids each year, and teenagers are diverse and funny. I loved them. Then, of course, I was helping Thelma to raise four kids...which definitely wasn't boring...but very hard work learning good parenting, and kind of making it up as you went along. I had no father model since mine died when I was nine, and I only have cursory memories of him as an invalid. So, in retirement I can sleep as late as I choose and rarely have reason to wake at 6am unless I have to catch a plane.

In retirement, you are on a very long vacation...provided you live long enough. You can go out to dine several nights a week; you can go on cruises; you can go to shows, museums, carnivals, flea markets, movies most anytime you want. So, in these respects, retirement is the better option. However--and this is a very huge "however"--in your working days you did not have to pop 15 medications every day, and you did not have to see a doctor most every week. Now I have a dermatologist, a pulmonologist, a cardiologist, an internist, a psychiatrist, a psychologist, a podiatrist, a chiropractor, an endodontist, a hygienist, a periodontist, and a few more that end in an "--or" or a "--ist". I certainly don't want to forget anybody.

So, there you are; I can't make a decision as to which life offers the least opportunity to suffer boredom; which life offers the richest opportunities to enjoy living. Perhaps someone out there in cyberland can help.