Coming of Age in the 21st Century

Last Saturday night I went to a Bat Mitzvah reception which was held in a very large room in a Temple. Actually, I never heard of a "Bat" Mitzvah which is held for a girl who has reached the age of 12. When I was a Bar Mitzvah, I don't recall any girls in my Hebrew class. But now, I have no idea when girls started to become Bat Mitzvah, not that it matters to me. Why shouldn't girls have the same rites and right as boys? Including a reception that is becoming more and more like a wedding? "Bar Mitzvah" literally means "son of the commandment." "Bar" is "son" in Aramaic, which used to be the vernacular of the Jewish people. "Mitzvah" is "commandment" in both Hebrew and Aramaic. "Bat" is daughter in Hebrew and Aramaic. (The Ashkenazic pronunciation is "bas"). Technically, the term refers to the child who is coming of age, and it is strictly correct to refer to someone as "becoming a bar (or bat) mitzvah." However, the term is more commonly used to refer to the coming of age ceremony itself, and you are more likely to hear that someone is "having a bar mitzvah."

The receptions that parents give their progeny these days are in the cost range of $50000 to $100,ooo range. And also these receptions have to have "themes". For a boy it could be sports, but for Chelsea on Saturday it was "Chelsea's Winter Wonderland." Often before dinner there is a "Cocktail Hour" when servers come around with trays filled with all kinds of hors doevres. Then if you want to fill up your plate with lots of food, there are tables covered with whatever you would like--chopped liver, fruit, potato pancakes, lox, --whatever. By the time you are invited to your table in the main dining room, you are fooded to the limit. When you enter the dining room you are greeted with a DJ or a band and a million decibel of music. The dance floor gets flooded with teenagers and adults jumping up and down as if they were in an aerobics class. Then comes the soup or salad and along about midnight I found on my plate a filet mignon that looked delicious but because of the cocktail hour food orgy, I couldn't eat it. Back in 1937 when I had my reception, it was in the apartment and everyone dined on deli sandwiches. In addition, the custom was for the bar mitzvah boy to write and read a speech. They don't do that any more. They just interrupt the dinner by having aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, grandparents, friends, and parents to come up to the stage and light a candle. What a bore!