Tonight we went out to dinner with three other couples, all of whom had something to do with the production of "My Fair Lady" which we performed here a year ago, March. I don't particularly care to go to dinner with six other people because I find it difficult to get into the conversations which throughout dinner generally doesn't stop, and rarely deals with any significant or important issues. So, I beckoned Rhoda closer to me and asked her if she thought she was a "J.A.P." She said something like "Oh, definitely!" and that encouraged me to ask her if she minded if I wrote a blog about it. And she discouraged me when she said something like, "Oh, definitely not!" I reminded her about the amendment to the Constitution which allowed a free press and free speech, and she proved to be unpatriotic in that respect. However, when we got home, I, tactful as ever, and extremely diplomatic offered to let her see and edit the blog when it was finished. And to demonstrate the importance of negotiations, she agreed to that offer.
So, here I go. My wife is definitely a "J.A.P." She was raised in Freeport, LI. Anyone raised outside of the Bronx or Brooklyn was considered Jappy. So there was her start. Move ahead a few decades to when I met her on New Years Eve, 1978, at a party given by members of the B'nai Brith. She wore a brown corduroy suit which fit her like a glove. She was slim, blonde, and gorgeous...a J.A.P. It seems her son was shortly to be Bar Mitzvahed, and she invited me to be her escort, which I didn't have to do, but I did. Shortly after that, in February, she had her 40th birthday and since I wasn't aware of anyone else making a party for her, I did. And I didn't have to do that. While we were dating, I often took her and her two children out to dine in Sizzlers...and I didn't have to do that. As a J.A.P. you are required to be a clothes horse, which she admits, she is. But she not only owns a closet filled with clothes but also dozens of pairs of shoes. Certainly this qualifies as Jappiness. Then the time came when I married her, which I didn't have to do, but I did. I took her on a month long honeymoon to England where she had never been, and I didn't have to do that. Since we moved to Florida, I bought her two cars--a 1995 Cavalier and a 2008 Malibu, which I didn't have to do but I did it, anyway. I also bought a $100K life insurance policy for her which I didn't have to do, but I did because a J.A.P. requires and is entitled to that kind of protection. Following that, I also bought her a life Home Care policy. I needn't have done that either. After awhile when I was certain she wasn't going to leave here and run away to California, I put her name besides mine on the deed to the condo so she became an owner. I also named Jon and Renee, her two children as 1/6 beneficiaries to the condo to be shared with my own four kids, which I didn't have to do and did anyway. My job as her husband is to support her...no perks necessary. Her job as my wife is...well she decides what it is! That's what J.A.P.s do. And why did I do all these things for her? Well, for one, I love her, and for another, I love to watch J.A.P.s in action...it's exciting and educational.
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