Dear Reader(s..?): Last Friday I felt like a horse had kicked me on the right side of my body from the hip down to my achilles and all ten of my toes. Well...actually, I suppose it's correct to say five toes. Then again, it couldn't have been a horse since they are not permitted inside our gate without a resident calling them in. Anyway, to continue this maudlin story, along about 5pm the pain had gravitated to my chest, and RH+ insisted with all her mystical powers that I allow her to call 911. (I do wish they would change that number because I recalled that too many people had died from it.) Since I cannot deny her anything she asks for, I agreed to having her call...although I warned her that if the EMTs took me to the hospital, she risked never seeing me again. About 10 minutes went by before three enormous guys and one gorgeous gal showed up, and before I could say, "Anyone for a beer", I had a mask thrown over my face, needles stuck in my arm, a bag of what appeared to be seltzer was hung over my head, sticky things were pasted on my legs, my chest, my arms, my carotid arteries, and...I believe...on my buttocks. At which point, I said "Uh, Oh!" They're going to throw a switch and I'd become IRON MAN!
Of course, to my disappointment nothing of the sort happened. It wasn't long before I was unceremoniously dumped onto a hospital bed. Now, you know that once they have you there, the doctors, nurses, and kitchen help go about their jobs like robots in a factory. Their only joy, it seems, is to make the patient uncomfortable and bleary-eyed. Why else would a nurse wake you at 4am with a sneer in her voice with the words, "I have to take blood!" You would think she was a vampire...or Bela Lugosi. Why do they need to take blood at four in the morning? It's not like there is really someone waiting for it impatiently in the lab. At least, while you're a patient you'd expect to have at least one gorgeous nurse each day you're there; so whom do I get? Charles and Barry. Needless to say, we failed to bond.
2 comments:
Well all your your extended family and friends and fans are glad you are out of the hospital. although your fill in blogger tried his best, he doesn't have your eloquence, and mastery of the prose. Happy to have you home and blogging again.
Omigod, Norman. I have been so overwhelmed the last few days, I have not had time to check your blog.
You have overstepped your bounds this time. You had no right to take a vacation when so many people are dependent upon you for one thing and another.
Know that you are loved in many quarters, and let that be a springboard to bounce you back to the vig-ah that is rightfully yours.
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